Total Pageviews

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Goonswarm Opens Religious Services in Ice Fields: Suicide Cultists Flock in Excitement


Around two weeks ago, the well-known benefactor and humanitarian aid corporation Goonswarm announced intentions to open services for all capsuleers in several high-sec ice belts, along with installing alliance towers and cloning bays for its own congregation.

"All of EVE depends on fuel, and an extra-special amount of EVE depends on Oxygen Isotopes," The Mittani, chief intelligence officer of Goonswarm, explained in an official declaration.

These are the fuel for the most popular types of supercapitals, the Rorqual Industrial Ship, and for Gallente towers, which are the backbone of moon mineral reaction chains and thus of T2 production all across New Eden. The economy depends on Oxytopes like it does on few other resources. If anything were to happen to the price of this one item, the howls would be louder than anything short of removing Veldspar.
(For some numbers, to supply the Oxytopes addiction of Jita alone, it takes approximately 200 Mackinaws mining Blue Ice 23/7 . . . forever.)
Blue Ice is found in 17 high-sec systems in EVE. Of those, 15 are frequented by ice miners regularly (the other two are deep "island" systems) and can be roughly divided into two areas. The directorate has spent the last two weeks organizing and dropping alliance towers in all of these systems, acquiring Goonwaffe offices in cloning stations-

Many industrialists and miners, believing themselves to be the cause of an economic dependency, have since begun flocking to the Gallente Ice Fields in order to repent through a baptism by fire. These newly-created cultists come from all walks of life, from contract miners working for Deep Core Mining Inc., to ice harvesters from industrial conglomerates, down to the privateer pilot in his Bantam.

"We know there's a big problem now," an anonymous ice harvester explained. "When I saw the problem with New Eden's dependency on Blue Ice, I really felt compelled to get my Mackinaw dismantled for the cause."

However, in bizarre isolated incidents, a few pilots have gone to the ice fields in an attempt to actually mine the ice. An act seen as barbaric by most of New Eden.

"I don't give a flying f**k what Goonswarm says about the economy," seethed a capsuleer for Deep Core Mining. "I'm here to make money, and my ship is fitted to deal with any of those psychos."

The capsuleer, in an apparent last second change of heart, joined the many converts at the last moment, giving up his ship and the shield tanking fittings and rigs for the "greater good".


CONCORD officials have reportedly frowned upon the situation, and workers there are apparently running themselves ragged with deployments of drones and police officials in attempts to control the situation. Entjudner Richter, CEO of Consolidated Holdings, was less than enthusiastic about Goonswarm's doings, and advised ConHo Industrialists against joining the celebrations.

From: Entjudner Richter
To: Consolidated Holdings,  
"As if there weren't enough reasons to do so already... MINERS please stick around home base... we've got plenty of pyroxeres from missions and the ice isn't worth losing ship after ship after ship."

To all those interested in possibly joining the new cult, the celebrations are estimated to continue lasting anywhere from several weeks to a few months. ConHo Daily has also provided you a list of systems to the event, so you can find the one nearest you!

Ardallabier 0.7
7-11
Brapelille 0.7
5-1
Jaschercis 0.6
1-1
Stegette 0.5
3-1 Shallow island highsec
Angymonne 0.6
4-1
Aydoteaux 0.7
8-15
Carirgnottin 0.6
8-10
Ignebaener 0.5
6-2
Tolle 0.7
1-1
Actee 0.5
4-1 Deep island highsec
Niballe 0.6 Oerse No POS Solitude, the island region

ConHo Daily would like to thank HARMON Alabel and Cassie Chelien for providing the source to this fascinating news story!

No comments:

Post a Comment