Interplanetary Colonization Declared a Major Success: Prop Comedian Deployed Instead of Food and Medicine

Xeddiphan and Lord Mandelor announced to Consolidated Holdings that production on planetary colonies had reached an all time high.

"We're very pleased with the results of the colonies planetside, and we're even achieving a surplus of resources," Mandelor proclaimed, visibly proud.

When asked as to how an all-time high in planetary production had been achieved, Xeddiphan was quick to respond.

"We had a lot of support from the corporation, and people were setting up colonies all over the place! Consolidated Holdings received a ton of donated materials from people like HARMON, and even Mandelor donated a bunch of command centers and a Primae to the cause. Everyone was pretty excited to start gaining commodity resources while lording over planets."

"Hell, one of them even launched a command center at my Rokh," Mandelor added, beaming.
"They were really enthusiastic about helping out."

Original ORE Industrial Advert for the Primae Colonization Ship

When Xeddiphan was confronted about the reported state of conditions of his colony on Amygnon I, he was quick to explain how the drones he had deployed planetside were being used to defend colonists from "perceived external threats". He was also questioned about the slave-like living conditions of the colonists.

"Slavery is such an unkind word," Xeddiphan frowned. "In the planetary colonization industry, we prefer to use the term 'freedom-challenged'."

Both Lord Mandelor and Xeddiphan have also been accused of depriving their planets of much needed supplies. Apparently food and medicines could not be delivered to the Forge World of Amygnon III, as the 1000 meter commodities hold of Mandelor's Primae were completely filled.

"I took the liberty of deploying a 600kg prop comedian instead," Mandelor stated firmly.

"I figured that they might be able to find some food and herbal medicines out in the jungle outside the electric fence of the colony, but that comedian . . . you're not gonna find one of THOSE on Amy 3. Oh god, the things he does with those puppets, I piss myself a little with laughter every time . . ."

Xeddiphan himself recently visited the Manufactorum Forge World of Amygnon III in order to inspect the quality of work, when he was attacked by local insects, dubbed "Tiger Mantises" by the locals.

"They're about ten to twelve meters tall," a colonist explained. "They can launch this firework out of their arse, and when it detonates in the clouds all the children look up in amazement. The Tiger Mantis then snatches 'em up when they're distracted. Children, that's their favorite prey that is!"

While it is unknown how Xeddiphan survived the Tiger Manti assault with no weapons, he returned from Amygnon III with a golden Odin-class synthetic eye in his left socket.

Xeddiphan, now AUGMENTED self-appointed Governor-Militant of the Amygnon system

"I never asked for this," were his first words as he stepped off his ship. Officials continued to question him about what happened planetside, but only got the repeated answer of 'my vision is augmented'.

The number of colonies registered under the Consolidated Holdings name have increased dramatically throughout New Eden in the past week, and Xeddiphan has personally acquired an entire regiment of militants and a fleet of drones to assist in "the general welfare of the corporation" in Amygnon.

CONCORD, whose local officials are currently deployed in the Amygnon asteroid belts cleaning up dead spider monkeys, were unavailable for comment.