Unrest After Minmatar Devours Live Goat in Church

ConHo Daily extends condolences to St. Flappidydoodle

At what was supposed to be a diplomatic meeting between Amarr and Minmatar diplomats, the situation was turned into a literal "meating" when Minmatar representative Prodikus Durf was spotted stripping the chastity of a goat on the speaker's stand in a sacred Amarrian temple, and then shortly after stripping the flesh of the animal to be devoured raw. To make matters worse, the goat was some form of saint, or something.

"He disgraces our ancestors," frowned the chaplain at the temple, whose name is not to be disclosed.

"Not only in the metaphysical aspect, but the physical as well. The beautiful pulpits of our church are stained with blood, sweat, and some other substance we can't quite identify yet . . ."

While it is incredibly doubtful war will spark between the factions, the more fervent of the Amarr public are in complete outrage, striking back by holding religious seminaries, and are reportedly preparing a large potluck for their communities.

All of New Eden is invited to these picnics, and bringing slaves is highly encouraged.

Confer with Arthur: Armor Tanking

Arthur Asimov, still a certified systems engineer

Howdy there folks! Last week we covered the marvel of shield tanking using technology brought to us by Ancient Jovians so now we're gonna deal with a more primitive form of defense. The armor tank!

Yes, armor. The glorious 'ole layer of metal that protects your structure from being blown to kingdom come. Now, why it makes much more sense to base your defense on naturally regenerating and cooler sounding shields, there are some . . . Gallente pilots who prefer usin' armor instead. Some of those Amarr folk do it too. One again I'll be usin' invaluable experience, and the defensive works of Friedrick Psitalon.

You see, folks who tank using their armor as their source of protection follow a different philosophy then us Caldari. They accept that their shields will be chewed away swiftly, and call that “borrowed time” before they have to engage their tank – saving their capacitor juice for later. The risk involved is not insignificant; armor tankers who “lose their tank” are immediately takin' damage on ship structure, and the end of that yellow brick road is a cruise in your pod!

Armor tankin' is a fairly easy concept: slap an armor repairer on your ship and turn it on. What makes an armor tank effective is the relatively low cost “per point” of armor repair (a shield tank repairs 1 shield for 1 energy, typically, while an armor tank can give as much as 2 or 3 armor for 1 energy.) No boosters exist for armor repair, except in the case of the Brutix – a ship type with a bonus to armor repair.

Armor repairers, armor plates, and armor resistance enhancements are all “low slot” items, which also makes them rather popular for pilots who have other uses for their mid slots – afterburners, webbing modules, warp scramblers, etc.

Typically, Armor Tanking is supplemented by resistance enhancers, but some fellas choose to install extra plating. Plating requires a specific, relatively minor amount of CPU and greatly increasing amounts of Power Grid as you increase plate density. Repairers likewise tend to take a moderate amount of CPU and greatly increasing grid. Hardeners tend to take very little grid, and a moderate amount of CPU.

While Active Shield Tankers tend to rely on Capacitor Boosters to supply them with large amounts of capacitor, Armor Tankers have another, surprisin'ly more efficient option: capacitor regeneration items. A total of four items exist – two for the medium slots, and two for the low slots. (Sound familiar to our shield regeneration items?) The medium slot items are simple: Capacitor Rechargers (just like Shield Rechargers) and Capacitor Batteries (which function in the same way as Shield Extenders, including their affect on recharge rates.) The low slot options are (again, these may sound familiar) Capacitor Flux Coils and Capacitor Power Relays. Much like Shield Flux Coils, Capacitor Flux Coils lower the maximum capacity in exchange for faster regeneration. In this case, though, the other option is nearly always better: Capacitor Power Relays. A CPR lowers the shield boost rate (basically, the opposite of a Shield Boost Amplifier) in exchange for faster capacitor regeneration. This is rarely an issue for armor tankers, though, who usually do not even fit a shield booster module (except those creepy Amarr I reckon).

As far as your skills go, you're gonna want to have excellent knowledge in running energy management and operation, since you'll be able to repair a lot more times with more juice in your ship. Knowing how to fit hull upgrades and good mechanic knowledge means you'll have a LOT more armor to work with, and repair systems skills speak for themselves on this.

The Gallente Brutix, notice the phallic design of the craft

 Your advantages: Speaking in cap terms, Armor Tanking is a middle ground between Passive and Active Shield Tanking methods. Obviously, it uses more capacitor than Passive Shield Tanks, but it is considerably more efficient than Active Shields. Armor tanks take their bites of capacitor every 10 seconds or so, allowing a ship more time to regenerate capacitor between bites. Armor tankers also have a much easier time increasing their resistances to very high levels. Armor tankers have a slower rate of “healing” than an Active Shield Tanker, but usually much quicker than a Passive Shield Tanker. Handy!

Your disadvantages: Right off the bat, I'm gonna say Caldari ships aren't very good at armor tankin'. Not to mention that the middle ground is just that: the middle ground. Your rate of healin' may not be as swift as is needed in extremely high damage situations. It is still possible to run out of capacitor, though it may happen more slowly than an Active Tanker. Lastly, you have to be ready to move fast if your Armor Tank should fail – structure doesn’t tend to be very durable lessen you're running a mighty fine hull tank!

That just about wraps things up for specific tankin' skills, as I'm sure you can play around an figure out how to run the "hybrid shield tank" and the rarely seen "hybrid armor/shield tank". I regret to inform you folks that I will not be sharing the mighty secrets of the Hull Tank, but after years of searching you might find it as well!

Join me next week when we talk more 'bout ships!
'Till next time fellas! Fly safe! Fly smart!

CEO of Consolidated Holdings is now Augmented: Rumors of New Corporate Fashion Trend Run Rampant

Entjudner Richter, becoming more of a super villain every day

Possibly in envy of the cybernetic eye that Xeddiphan was forced to implant after a mishap on one of his colonies, Entjudner Richter has now taken the liberty of replacing his eye with an Odin implant.

The use of implants has prevailed for centuries throughout New Eden, though until recent times they would be completely hidden inside of the user. However, due to what appears to be some sort of "reparation dollars" given out to all capsuleers by CONCORD, ocular augmentations are more popular than ever, even up to the point where pilots can be seen flying with the much-envied "glass monocle".

While internal implants have gone unnoticed, some less-educated people believe that external modifications are "unethical" despite internal modifications prevailing for years. Even some members of ConHo fear that the prevalence of implants in its members could give them an edge over unaugmented members, echoing many previous controversies behind transhumanism. While the trend seems to only slowly prevailing, many believe it will not be long before most members of both the corporation and coalition are given "creepy robot parts" that make them feel both fearful and inferior. Most of these claims are baseless, such as, quote "I think Ent can see through my clothes" and "I think Xed can see into my soul".

While both could surely find ways to accomplish such tasks, you can all rest assured that they will accomplish these goals through their own insidious cunning, and not through the use of biomechanical augmentations.

TEST Alliance Declares War on Chribba

Chribba, New Eden's most beloved Veldspar miner

 

 A long-time pilot of New Eden, constantly in the search for Veldspar, Chribba may be one of the most famous pilots alive.

While he is one of the most notorious "carebears" in space, Chribba's real celebrity springs from the multitude of services he has provided capsuleers over the years, all completely free of charge. CEO and Founder of the corporation 'Otherworld Enterprises (OTHER)' as well as Founder and Executor of the 'Otherworld Empire (OTHER)' alliance. Otherworld Enterprises was founded and also created Otherworld Empire.
To this day he has been the sole pilot of both the corporation and alliance and according to rumors the corporation chat is very quiet.

He can regularly be seen roaming the belts of Amarr in the hunt for the much beloved Veldspar- "It's all about the Veldspar baby!". 

In a show of power, proving to the people of New Eden that they actually can make kills, the TEST Alliance declared war against Chribba, which can be best summarized by a declaration from TEST's Dr. Kang.

Hello Spacefriends.

As one of the goodpoasting Magi mentioned in the Bible that visited Our Lord and Savior upon his virgin birth in Bethlehem, I'm here to explain this clearly so you all understand what's going on, and why.

We are going to burn 9UY4-H to the ground. Chribba must be podded at our hand. His mining titans must explode. We will not stop until we are appeased.

Yes, this has been tried twice before by ill-trained rabble, but the full might of our alliance is now being brought to bear on the target. Well-organized, disciplined, battle tested pilots. Proven FCs. Fleet doctrine that has succeeded time and time again. Resources few in the game can match. As much as you may hate us, you know all this to be true.

Now, you might say that TEST is a hurfblurfing bunch or scammers and sperglords. And this is true. But our wills are united, and our commitment is unshakable. The assault will continue until our thirst vengeance as been slaked by destroying the Magical Unicorn Prince of Publords. Your furious posting wails of "TEST HAS GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME" only fuels our war machine.

No matter how many of our ships you may destroy, we will just keep coming. Because we're stupid like that.

 While others have attempted to overthrow Chribba in the past, he has always been assisted by many privateers and corporations going out of their way to protect him, and the last time he was assisted by the EVE University Fleet. Many believe that the alliance will easily be defeated by Chribba's Legion, and that once again his station (which he allows ANYONE to dock at) will remain under his control.

Position for Coalition Industrials Liason Officer Available: Cast Your Vote to Support Your Allies!

Artist's rendition of Caldari Leader Tibur Heth's inauguration

Today, in a rare display of democracy, a corporate wide memo was sent out by ConHo's Jade Korel.

From: Jade Korel
To: Consolidated Holdings, Taron Silverhawk

Hi Corp!

The Coalition is getting big enough these days that some structure and organization is needed at the higher levels to spread the responsibilities around.

With this in mind, a position of "Coalition Industrials Liasion Officer" has opened up / been created. 

Since we, ConHo, are the biggest (by corp numbers) Industrial corp. I feel that we have the experience, qualifications (and possibly a responsibility?) to the Coalition for this role. Since it is a coalition-wide position, It would be best of it were someone in a corp's direct leadership position (CEO or a Director).

So here's what you need to do: Send in your nomination / vote to Taron Silverhawk (our Coalition Chief) for whom you would like to see taking on this role.

You are free to vote for / nominate anyone from the leadership of ANY coalition Industrial corp. It does not have to be from us. If you are unsure of who all are possible options, please get in touch with Taron, Ent or myself.

Thanks. 

- Jade

 In light of this, ConHo Daily's opinion is to, naturally, suggest nomination a member of Consolidated Holdings to the position, in light of the fact that we are currently the strongest industrial arm in the coalition, and taking up more responsibilities will reap benefits for us in the future. As Jade mentioned, the most ideal role would be someone who is already in a leadership role regardless of WHICH allied corporation it is, so be sure to vote in your favorite corporate manager! Remember, the voting is up to YOU!

Editor's Opinion: Ent would make a fantastic representative, due to already having strong ties in the coalition and the fact that's he's already our CEO.

Arthur Asimov's Opinion: Vote Jade. She's a Caldari, meanin' she knows what the hell to do. Plus she's got an Apocalypse with an armor tank that scares the bejeezus out of me.

Anonymous Member Opinion: Althin. Without a doubt it must be Althin.

Anonymous Member Opinion: Snappy. He kills things good and doesn't afraid of anything. Seriously, have you seen that Golem he flies?

Anonymous Member Opinion: He may not be a director or anything like that, but Harmon Alabel is a great miner, and he knows how to run an op. An industrialist like him would definetly be a good choice.

Amygnon II Colonist Opinion: NOT XEDDIPHAN! ANYONE BUT HIM! OH GOD MY LEGS!

ConHo Daily will be sure to let you know the results of the vote, so get those nominees sent to Taron!

CEO of Consolidated Holdings Possibly Gone Insane: Suddenly Resembles "Dr. Evil" from Ancient Film

Entjudner Richter, CEO of Consolidated Holdings and possible supervillain

 Entjudner Richter, known as both a peaceful miner and ruthless badass, has displayed strange behavior following the shaving of his head.

"It's not like he wasn't kind of evil before," a corporate employee shrugged.

"I remember one time he podded this guy in low-sec and wanted to impale the corpse's head on a pike on the HQ to display. We told him that the Garoun Investment Bank wouldn't let us do that on their station, so he shoved the thing in a container and anchored it outside the station for a week. It smelled really bad on retrieval . . ."

The behavior became even more threatening when three members of Consolidate Holdings worked in a joint operation with the Insanely Twisted corporation in upgrading a POS. Due to great boredom, the trio began exchanging cultural photographs in the corporate channel, which Ent did not approve of.

"FFFFFFFF- " was his opening statement. "If you keep linking those god damned hipster pictures in the corp channel I swear I will pod each and every one of you. You don't lose sec status for killing corpmates!"

ConHo members are advised to do exactly what Ent says, lest they some sort of aquatic creature with a laser on its head. It is unknown as to whether or not Skeletor will use this opportunity to seize more power.

Confer with Arthur: Shield Tanking

Arthur Asimov, Caldari Scientist

Howdy fellas! Due to a recently enacted State mandate declaring that regulated printed materials must now contain educational material, I will be here once a week to help you survive in space!

Today we'll be talkin' about one of our most famous, and be-loved tactics in warfare. Shields! Passed down from us generations ago by Ancient Jovians.

Yes shields! Love 'em, or hate 'em, you can't ignore 'em, so regardless of whether or not you use a nice shield defense, I'm going to explain how it works so you'll know what you're dealing with. I'll be using a combination of good ole' experience, and the works of Friedrick Psitalon, a defensive systems expert.

To start off with, there are two kinds of ways to use a shield tank.

Active Shield Tanking

A Cyclone, despite being Minmatar, can make a good AST ship

You'll want to be sure you know how to work energy systems for this one! Knowing how shield compensation and upgrades work is absolutely essential for it!

Active shield tanking (AST) relies heavily on two items – shield boosters, and shield boost amplifiers. The AST name comes from the nature of the defensive style – you use your shields as your main source of damage absorption, and you actively reinforce them as they take damage. Both a shield booster and a shield boost amplifier use mid-slots on your ship; active shield tanking does not utilize low slots.

Shield boosters grant a very quick boost in shields for (usually) a similar amount of capacitor energy. Boost amplifiers increase that amount gained by a percentage, thereby allowing you to regenerate more per boost – considerably more energy efficient than using two boosters. While the overall healing rate may not be as fast as two boosters, the energy usage makes it mighty superior in efficiency.

Your advantages: Defensive regeneration “on demand". Boosters are very quick reacting. Their regeneration speed as a result is very customizable; on precisely when you need it, off precisely when you don’t. Unlike armor tanking, it is very difficult to overestimate or underestimate your needs, and it responds much more quickly than armor tanking to a “panic” situation (since armor repair systems take a long time).

Of the three major types of tanking, AST is the most micro-manageable. AST grants much faster regeneration, on average, than the same number of modules allocated to Passive Shield Tanking. As a rule, a good AST can use as few as three modules, all of them middle slots; making it far superior than a PST in this regard, which can use several mids and lows when really optimized.

Your drawbacks: You pay a price for your on demand shield regenration. Active Shield Tanking is inherently less damage-efficient than Armor Tanking, as armor has much higher resistances to weaponry. It also uses a LOT more capacitor power than armor tanks, so you'll need a big cap to run this puppy! Since Passive Shield Tanking uses no capacitor at all, it is vastly superior in this regard.

Passive Shield Tanking

The Drake battlecruiser, the king of PST

You'll want to be skilled in all your shield knowledge, and have a good engineering and electronics background to get a good tank here!


Passive Shield Tanking is a rather unorthodox strategy, but is very noteworthy. PST works on a rather bizarre principle of starship shield technology: no matter how much shields (or capacitor) you have, it always regenerates in exactly the same amount of time, unless you have modified your regen rate. A Vexor’s shields will always regenerate in 900 seconds, no matter if it has 900 shields, or 9,000,000 shields. In the first situation the regeneration of the ship is unimpressive – 900 shields in 900 seconds is merely 1 shield per second regenerated. In the second situation, though, the rate of regeneration is staggering – 10,000 shields per second! Whoo doggy!

Here's some stuff you'll typically want to fit on your PST ship:

Shield Extenders: these use a lot of CPU (at any size) and grid (the amount of grid used depends on the extender size), but grant you a great deal more shield points, thereby raising your total shields, and increasing your regen rate. These are mid-slot items.

Shield Rechargers: these use a lot of CPU, but very little power grid. Their purpose is very simple: they increase shield recharge rates. These are also mid-slot items, and good for increasing regen when you can’t afford the grid drain of an extender.

Shield Flux Coils: these use a moderate amount of CPU, and no grid, but actually take AWAY from your maximum shield total. In exchange, they provide a larger recharge rate. These are low-slot items.

Shield Power Relays: Relays use a very small amount of CPU and no grid, but have very serious impacts on your capacitor recharge rates. These, too, are low slot items. 

Mid slots, then, give you more regen for CPU and Grid, and the low slots give you more regen in exchange for max shields or capacitor regen. How does one decide which to use when?

The Mids: Extenders vs. Rechargers: Generally, it’s never a bad idea to have at least one significant extender anyhow, because a passive shield tanker will not be able to control his regeneration rate, and so will want some extra “padding.”

After that first extender, though, some (gulp) math comes into play. For a ship that has 1000 shields regenerating in 500 seconds, an extender that adds 500 more effectively increases the shield regen rate by 50%. (1000 in 500 seconds = average of 2 per second; 1500 in 500 seconds = average of 3 per second.) There aren’t any Shield Recharge Units that can add anywhere near that amount of recharge; the best commonly available only adds 15%. Adding a shield extender to a ship that only increases that 1000 shields by 100, though, is not as good as simply adding a recharger.

Unfortunately, very few ships (realistically, probably none) can afford to slot as many Shield Extenders as they might like, so Shield Rechargers become a very good option for those lacking grid but having CPU, and wanting a faster regeneration rate, rather than using a smaller-size extender. 

The Lows: Flux Coils vs. Relays: Frankly, neither of these modules are for folks with weak hearts. If you’re using these, you’re robbing some part of your ship’s total abilities in order to improve another part; too much of this can leave you in a bad place. Judiciously used, though, both of these devices can be quite potent. Both of these devices require knowing what your ship is good at, and where it is weak.

Shield Power Relays strip a large chunk of your capacitor regeneration for shield regeneration (35% Cap Regen for 20% Shield in the biggest ones), but if your ship doesn’t use much in the way of capacitor, this may not be a big deal. Ships that use no shield boosters, little/no propulsion boosters (Afterburner/Microwarp Drive), and few other cap requiring devices can usually get away with slotting as many as two of these, lowering their cap regen by a frightening 70% - but if you’re a missile firer or projectile user, it may very well be that your only cap uses are warping in and out and the occasional shield boost or web. If that’s the case, Shield Power Relays may be for you.

Flux Coils, on the other hand, are for pilots who are very confident that they have enough shields to get them through (maybe you have 3+ extenders onboard) and don’t mind crippling that to increase their regeneration rate. A Flux coil usually pulls 10% out of your maximum shield capacity, and in exchange gives you 25% more regeneration; a net benefit for you of 15% regen, in exchange for 10% of your total shield. Again, using these is a question of judgment – experiment carefully. 

Your advantages: Passive Shield Tanking is very, very easy on the brain when in combat: when the shield goes under 10%, initiate warp and leave. Simple! No boosting, no capacitor to worry about, nada. Speaking of which, PST means your capacitor isn’t being hurt at all. You can use your cap for much more intensive activities; afterburners, microwarps, high energy-usage weapons, etc. This isn’t suggesting you throw lasers on your favorite non-Amarr ship, but you can be a lot more free with the juice. If your PST has very high resists (say, on a Ferox, or if you’ve done a hybrid PST/AST-tank and put extenders/resist modules in your mids and fluxes in your lows) the regen rate can be pretty darn impressive. (20 shield per second is unimpressive in most cases, but if you’ve got 80% resist to Electromagnetic, it would require 100 damage/second to equal the regen rate your 20/per is pulling in.) For attention-monitoring purposes and capacitor-using purposes, nothing beats a Passive Shield Tank. I've personally been in a fight using a Drake against a few heavy-offensive fitted ships, and my tank held on its own while I worried about the actual combat!
  
Your drawbacks: Your regeneration rate is absolutely out of your control . . . and that can be mighty scary. It means you can’t pour on the juice if you’re getting clobbered, and it means you can’t divert energy elsewhere if you’re not being hammered. That regeneration rate can be quite swift, but generally is not as fast as a Shield Booster or Armor Repairer would be. Passive Shield Tanking usually requires more slots to do effectively than AST or Armor Tanking, or cross-level slots. (AST requires all mid, Armor all low, but Passive dips into both.) As a rule, the fact that you can’t heal as quickly, and that the healing is uncontrolled, means that PST is more a tactic for those who fight regular faction ships, and not pod pilots.

Now I bet your head's hurtin' mighty good and you reckon that you just might try out a shield tank of your own! Or maybe you're just thinking that you're gonna stick with your Amarrian or Gallente armor tank. Either way you'll get your turn, as next week we'll be talking about the joys and sorrows of Armor Tanking!

'Till next time fellas! Fly safe! Fly smart!

ConHo Daily's Weekly News Recap

Due to an unexpected Minmatar terrorist attack on our headquarters due to the last article, we have been delayed in providing more news to the good people of New Eden. However, reconstruction of the office went quickly due to the efforts of construction drones and colonists who were volunteered into service.

Without further ado, we present all that was missed during the temporary blackout!

- Empire competition has increased significantly, with word of new battlecruisers quickly spreading throughout New Eden. These new ships are believed to be able to fit guns normally reserved for battleships, and many debate as to whether these ships will make the current battlecruisers and battleships near-obsolete in fleet effectiveness.

A leaked schematic for the Oracle, the Amarr's newest offensive vessel

The Caldari Naga, rumored to soon be the most versatile ship in the State Navy

The Federation Talos, believed to be a blaster ship

- In a startling development, rumors abound that a joint operation between Caldari and Gallente scientists is being conducted to improve hyrbid and rail weaponry in order to advance their goals against mutual enemies on the galactic scale. It is not yet known exactly what advances are being made, but experts believe that improvements are being made to fluidity of weapon machinery, which will allow the weapons to rotate faster and hit with much greater accuracy than before.

- In further technological news, the Caldari and Gallente are also working on improving the chassis of their ships, including new armor plates and paint schemes, in order to advance their goals against mutual enemies. Already a major design change is being implemented for the Condor hull.

The Kaalakiota Corporation has truly mastered ship design

- In more recent news, HARMON Alabel, the newly appointed Mining Foreman, conducted a Consolidated Holdings mining op in Amygnon, with a very high mining yield. The participants succeeded in tearing apart many, many asteroids, which will surely help corporate production in battlecruisers, and possibly other technologies in the near future.

The belt didn't stand a chance! Photo by Olli Racoon.

- Also in today's news, the Coalition Forces successfully defended the Ouelletta POS from pirate attackers. Xeddiphan in Lord Mandelor were able to take part in combat operations, but their fleet was unable to join the main battle due to being assigned to a reinforcement fleet. The Coalition was commanded by a member of the Tuskers.

"We didn't do too much besides some eventual guard duty on some repper ships," Xeddiphan admitted. "Things only got interesting when we got hot dropped."

The hotdrop, conducted by a neutral corporation, succeeded in destroying an allied Chimera-class carrier, thought the drop fleet consisted of two dreadnoughts, a Nyx, and, terrifyingly, a Titan.

"The fleet and I had been fine up until then, but I pooped a little when that Erebus was dropped on us out of nowhere," Lord Mandelor said.

"I'm not proud," he quickly added.

That wraps up the highlights for this week! We look forward to delivering more news soon, WITHOUT being sabotaged by radicals. CONCORD Officials assure us it probably will not happen again.

Minmatar Republic Gives Harsh Rebuttal to ConHo Daily: No One Yet Able To Care

Logo of the Republic, who continue to put words beneath their logos to prove they can spell

 

After baseless accusations of "biased Caldari favoritism", "gross exaggerations", and "blatant fabrication of material", the Minmatar Republic has sent an official legal rebuttal to ConHo Daily.

To the editor of Consolidated Holdings Daily:

As a respected and well-known elder of the Brutor tribe, I must protest to the false allegations regarding our proud and noble race that were declared in the "newspaper" that you distribute. We are not mindless animals, but a brave, courageous race that has endured ages of slavery only to break free through our sheer will and determination. We will no longer tolerate the slurs of "ugly", "freaks", "smelly", or any combination of the terms seen in this literature. 

I urge your readers to ignore the misinformed ramblings of your so-called news outlet and use well-established mainstream sources like The Scope for information. I sincerely hope that your viewers heed my warning, and you discontinue this atrocity.

Derei Stankner, Elder of the Brutor Tribe

 After the paper was thrown into the ConHo Daily's Official Memory Hole to burn off the dead insects and variations of syphilis, the staff had a very hearty laugh. While it is still unknown who TRULY wrote the letter, most suspect it was a Gallente trickster trying to pull a prank.

"A Minmatar pilot being able to spell the word 'tribe' correctly!" Arthur Asimov howled, tears of laughter falling into his bottle of Quafe.

"That's just classic!"

In the likelihood that the letter was in fact written by some sort of mutated, super-intelligent Minmatar, all those who had contact with the letter are to report to the nearest medical center for decontamination and flea bathing.

Mysterious Wealthy Capsuleer Appears in Jita System: Offers to Double ISK out of Kindness of his Heart

The Jita Moon 4 Navy Station is New Eden's largest trade hub

In the past few days, a miracle has been working at the Jita IV - Moon IV Caldari Navy Assembly Plant. A pilot, whose name is not to be disclosed, came to the system and offered to double any amount of money given to him for no charge. Pilots all across the system began to give him money, having it legitamately doubled out of his own pocket money and returned to them. The local comms channel could be filled with the benefactor announcing who he was currently sending money to.

"It's a miracle!" a freighter pilot declared. "He just doubles all of our ISK, all the time!"

If this wasn't enough, other wealthy pilots (whose license registrations were less than a week old!) also began to offer to double people's money, and one even offered hundreds of millions to buy a single unit of tritanium. The outpouring of man's kindness even touched the hearts of the shrewdest traders, who, though not kind enough to give money for free, offered enormous discounts on Navy Ravens and Navy Invulnerability Fields.
"It's too unreal," were the words of a pilot who sent all of his money to one of the charitable givers.

"I mean, I'm Gallente, and I thought Jita would be this super competitive, hyper-capitalistic place where everyone is just in it for themselves with no real compassion, since it's Caldari space y'know. But here I am! Waiting for a nice man to double all my money for no reason!"

It is unknown how long this celebration will continue, or how it will effect the economy.

ConHo Daily Special: Frigate Bash Photos

Eacus charges an opponent in his Rifter

Within roughly two minutes of Arthur Asimov's hiring, the photos from the Consolidated Holdings Frigate Bash were immediately available, once again making ConHo Daily not daily but bidaily, or would that be every other day and not twice a day . . .

Anyways,these photographs of the event were taken by the crack team of Olli Raccoon and Leafy Kille.

The results are stunning to say the least, select the picture for the full-size glory.

Leafy and Kai Morgana spectate one of the fights

Althin engages a target at long range in his Punisher

Eacus speeding out of the laser range of Jade's Punisher

Tanya's Merlin exploding at the guns of Mandelor's Tristan in the final match

Tanya's ship obliterates an opponent in Round Two

Olli holds his Incursus at one end of the field, waiting for the match to begin

Olli engages a Punisher at long range

Xeddiphan battles a Rifter at knife-fight range

 Many thanks to Leafy and Olli for their excellent photography work! There were a lot more photos of the event, but these were some of the best quality shots (there were some malfunctions for some earlier ones).

Officials Promise to End Glitches with Spaceship AI: Capsuleers Everywhere Rejoice

vs

View of hangar from a camera drone

In recent times, the ban from staying inside a ship while in hangar has been lifted, much to the rejoice of capsuleers everywhere.

“I never did understand it,” an anonymous pilot commented. 

“Whenever I'd dock in station, ANY station, they always had these security guys who would pound on the hatch and demand I get out of the ship. I still remember the first time it happened. I had thought of refusing, but apparently the last guy who tried to do that at this particular station was smoked up by the sec guys unleashing a bunch of furriers in his ship. Anyways, I get off the ship, and they lead me to a room they called a 'captain's quarters' and thought that sounded nice. Nope! It was some Minmatar's drug hideout or something. There was all this gross crap on the walls and the floors, and half eaten food everywhere. The room only had, like, one couch and a bed, and the couch was sticky. Naturally, I'm like, screw this! So I tell the station officials that I won't be staying in this room, and you know what they do? They kick me out of the room, and make me stare at a f**king door to this supply closet in the hallway. It was like this at EVERY station, and I'm convinced they only make pilots take the rooms to try and pay-off those nice TVs they got in there. But man, that door beat that Minmatar dump by a MILE!”

The allowance of pilots to remain inside their ships while in hangar was been seen as a relief by many. However, due to spaceships suddenly linking to a station through a pilot for the first time in months, there have been many software glitches in the AI of several types of craft.

“I go to undock, and all of a sudden my object detection overview just flies somewhere random of the interface, and when I go to dock the uplink to the station services just appears somewhere,” were the aggravated words of a disgruntled Basilisk pilot. 

“It's an absolute nightmare when you're running a logistics ship setup like I am.”

In light of many reports of strange occurrences similar to these, Interbus has announced plans for a fix in stations across New Eden, which should be completed within a few days if all goes according to schedule.

 PLEASE NOTE: 

We apologize for this rather late entry, but we would like to remind you that ConHo Daily prides itself on being a non-daily paper, and actually having daily articles is a luxury. However, in order to insure that our equipment is properly working to be able to upload news without a risk of a connection severing, ConHo Daily is pleased to announced that Caldari Systems Engineer Arthur Asimov has joined us in maintaining our electronic equipment, and may also provide some valuable expert insight on New Eden starships in the near future!

Arthur Asimov, newest member of the ConHo Daily Team
He is well-known for blaming anomalies on "Ancient Jovians"

Consolidated Holdings Frigate Tournament Successful: Lord Mandelor Wins with 5% Structure Integrity

 Like any noble corporation in New Eden, Consolidated Holdings is well known for widespread corruption, extortion, and severe mistreatment of overworked and confused members. In order to to watch the pathetic maggots kill each other off and remind them of their mortality, CEO Entjudner Richter decided to hold another corporation-wide frigate bash in Amygnon, with a navy frigate of choice or a cash payout as a prize.

"The last one was a big success," Ent said. "I'm really hoping we have another great turn out."

And there was. Pilots from all walks of life gathered for the tournament, ranging from professional miners to seasoned combat veterans. Even Leafy Kille, who for days had declared the competition was 'stupid, and I could make millions in that time' was convinced to join in about an hour before the competition.

"I slapped my ship together in like five minutes," Leafy stated. "I didn't expect to last one fight."

The publicly-accepted 'most feared pilot' went to Jade, and her mind-linked counterpart Tanya. ConHo members had discussed in great detail the plans they had for running, escaping, or outright destroying their own ships in an attempt to escape her wrath.

"She told me she'd be gentle," Lord Mandelor shivered before the match. "I don't believe her."

Surprisingly, only one Rifter took part in the frigate bash, flown by Eacus. The Minmatar vessel was seen flying at dangerously fast speeds before the match, and pilots who had packed weaponry with slower tracking speeds were visibly discouraged. Luckily, a Punisher named SHOOT ME!!!! flown by Althin reassured the combatants that there would be some slower ships. Unfortunately for them, the lasers Althin was packing were considerably long ranged, making it no less dangerous than the speed of the Rifter. The fact Jade was flying a Punisher as well only seemed to reinforce this fact.

Merlins were flown by Tanya and Xeddiphan, and both took very unique approaches to their starship designs. Xed had armed his frigate with autocannons, along with an energy vampire in order to be sure that his capacitor would remain solid. This tactic proved effective, as he was able to score several wins in the tournament. The ship flown by Tanya proved to have an absolutely massive shield tank, and she later revealed that she had somehow fitted a medium shield extender to the vessel without the capacitor exploding. Some attribute this miracle to a particularly dedicated helper midget.

Olli Racoon (after being told that the Ollicannon was not acceptable as a meta level 0 weapon) flew into the competition with an Incursus frigate named Daffy Duck, one of the most popular T1 frigates in Gallente space and New Eden at large. Olli also employed a hysterical tactic at the end of some fights, as instead of simply surrendering when an opponent had withered him down, he would simply warp out, leaving the other pilot very confused.

The Tristan was flown by Mandelor, Leafy, and HARMON Alabel, and proved to be one of the more successful ship types of the match. Lord Mandelor's ship, SURPRISE INSIDE, raised many eyebrows, as Mandelor had occasionally been heard bragging about how he was going to be a Merlin. Leafy's ship was easily the largest upset of the competition, as he won several matches after he actually began to deploy his hobgoblin into battle.

"I can't believe I won two matches already! It's absurd, I shouldn't of lasted one!" Leafy shouted.

"It was the drone," the corporation told him in unison.

"It couldn't of been the drone! My drone operation skills are terrible!" he argued.

"It's still a powerful weapon," the corporation told him.

"LIES!"

In perhaps the closest match of the tournament, Leafy took on Tanya's Merlin, finally accepting the fact that his drone could be "somewhat useful" in direct combat. The two ships engaged at extreme close range, with Leafy firing off two energy vampires and running two armor repairers to make his ship nearly impenetrable. However, Tanya's missiles and point defense proved tough enough to crack through.

As Leafy's Nosferatus drained Tanya's ship of precious capacitor power, she began to inject boosters into her core. It soon became apparent that the match would become a war of attrition, with the outcome hinging on who would be able to actually have a functional capacitor.

As the battle raged on, both ships were reduced to structure, and the frigates could visibly be seen orbiting each other at close range in flames. Leafy then launched his hobgoblin (which he had been strategically deploying throughout the fight) and Tanya's structure was reduced to around 2%. There was then a massive explosion, and the debris cleared to reveal a flaming, crumbling Merlin along with Leafy's pod.

"BLOODY HELL!" Leafy yelled, echoing the thoughts of the spectators.

Finally, only two competitors were left, Tanya and Mandelor. As bets were cast and the match began, Mandelor refused to move his ship from the other side of the tournament boundaries, claiming he was "managing colonies", a tactic he had employed several times in the tournament. As Tanya's ship locked onto his Gallente ship, he finally turned around firing afterburners. The ships engaged at around 10km, with Tanya nearly instantly being webbed and Mandelor's systems being disrupted by electronic warfare modules. Both ships appeared evenly matched, with Mandelor suddenly falling behind Tanya in armor integrity, as he was not nearly as skilled in armor systems as her. Weapons flared as the Tristan's blaster rounds and gremlin rockets impacted the Merlin, which was tanked beyond what his weapons could dish out.

Then, the SURPRISE INSIDE deployed the surprise.

The Hornet EC-300 electronic warfare drone had proved problematic for Eacus' Rifter earlier in the competition, but now it was a game changer. As Tanya's ship barely held on to armor and Mandelor's structure fell to critical levels, the drone jammed the Caldari frigate. There was an explosion, and Lord Mandelor stood victor. Barely.

His ship was reduced to 5% structure, and what appeared to be vital components were falling off his ship. It was safe to say that the drone had turned the tide of the battle, as Tanya easily would have destroyed his crippled Tristan hadn't the weapons been disabled at that moment.

"I can't believe I won," Mandelor stuttered. "I didn't even have to use performance-enhancing boosters! I was sure that Jade was going to tear me a new one."

Jade's comment on the matter immediately after the fight, "Damn that drone!", was one echoed by Mandelor's previous opponents, with one going so far as to kill his original one.

Mandelor requested a Caldari Navy Hookbill as a prize, and there was a 3v3 frigate match immediately following the tournament. All participants agreed that the match had been incredibly enjoyable, and the ConHo CEO was reported to be 'very glad that the pilots got to experience some pod pilot combat'. This fact is especially true for those who run missions for the established corporations, as most of the target ships are staffed by large crews compared to the quicker responding, and much deadlier pod pilots.

Our publicist should have many high quality photos of the event soon!

EVE Radio Sponsors Roam into the Amamake System: Ragtag Fleet Suffers 80% Casualties in Battle

The monument to the Pandemic Legion near the Ossogur gate

 On late Thursday evening, DJ Destiny of EVE Radio, the most poplar music channel in New Eden, announced that he would be leading a roam into low-sec, advertised as "death - probably, fun definite".

Xeddiphan and Lord Mandelor, already well known in the corporation for wandering far outside of Consolidated Holdings territory, immediately joined up.

"I just refitted my missioning drake by replacing two of the hardeners with a microwarp drive and a scrambler and I slapped on at the last second," Mandelor shrugged.

Xeddiphan, on the other hand, loaded up a few 150mm gauss guns on his Cormorant destroyer to join the fleet.

"I've had that destroyer since I first started my piloting career," Xeddiphan reflected distantly. "I was too attached to it to sell it but didn't have a use for it anymore, I felt it should die in glorious battle."

When the two ConHo ships joined the hastily assembled roaming fleet, Mandelor had already become aware of just how suicidal it would be.

"For starters, the DJ himself is in this Ibis with a civie gun, and it's a damaged ibis to top it off. Spiritless, our impromptu Fleet Commander, lost a Dramiel to one of the gate guns, so decided to command from a capsule. If that wasn't enough, the FC had a full set of slave implants too, yet still decided to go into low-sec with us. That took some balls."

The fleet itself was composed of a colorful variety of ships, most of them Minmatar. The fleet began with around 14 members, including a Cyclone, a Thorax, and a Harbinger. A Blackbird ECM ship later regrouped with the fleet, flown by Mobius03. To make matters even more interesting, SpoonRECKLESS, the 8th most wanted man in New Eden at the time (as of the time this article was written, someone claimed his bounty), was in system offering to play tag with them.

"Spoon would jump in from gate and then out again," Xeddiphan noted. "He was flying a Drake, but he still had a bounty well over 2 billion, and the fleet was itching to try and get him. We kind of just gave up on it after a while"

While the fleet jumped through low-sec systems looking for targets, the DJ took the liberty of announcing to all of his listeners each name of the fleet members, the ships they were flying, and their location, thus scaring away most attackers in the low-sec systems being traveled. Then, as Spiritless went to switch from a pod to a Maller, things became drastic.

"All of a sudden, Spiritless says 'Hey guys, we should go to Amamake'. The Cyclone just dropped fleet and warped out of there, along with two of the smaller frigs. One of the guys said he could actually feel his implants melting already."

The Radio Fleet then moved into Amamake, and immediately encountered a -9.7 sec status pirate who locked on to Mandelor's battlecruiser but did not fire on him. Another pirates in the area had a ship that could deploy a cyno, and  possibly an ally of the Pandemic Legion.

"Mandelor's ship has a psychological tank," Xeddiphan explained. "His shield fitting is so ridiculous that it just stops people from even wanting to try and fire on it. That and it's a Drake."

When the fleet reached the other side of Amamake (losing a few stragglers on the way), orbiting one of the gates, a thrasher jumped into system, which two of the fleet members tried to engage before being decimated by gate guns. The fleet then warped to Amamake I, while Spiritless bellowed challenges to the pirates it local. Within 17 seconds, a fleet of four ships jumped into Amamake I's gravity well in an organized formation. The radio fleet then warped to Amamake II, waiting for the pirates to approach them.

"The tension was unbearable," Xeddiphan groaned.

After a few minutes of holding, the pirates jumped into the area. The pirate fleet, though small, composed of a Blackbird, an Omen, and two Ruptures. The battle began.

The Minmatar Rupture Cruiser, usually fitted as a slow ship with a lot of firepower

"Our Thorax was the first to go," Mandelor reflected. "Projectiles were flying everywhere, and I saw Xed's destroyer just weaving through all these explosions firing every weapon his Cormorant's got. The next thing I know is the Blackbird has him locked and one of the Rupture's just unloads these autocannons on him and his ship gets decimated."

"Just how I wanted it," Xeddiphan beamed.

While the Thorax pilot and Xeddiphan quickly warped to safe areas, the battle raged on. Mandelor's ship focused fire on the blackbird, launching three (loyal) Hornet II's and two ECM drones to harass it, pounding it with heavy missiles. The damage from the Thorax and Cormorant had already weakened it a bit, and the Radio Fleet's own Blackbird was jamming it and hammering missiles at it. DJ Destiny's Ibis orbited it, firing the deadly civilian rail gun at it. The Blackbird turned to warp out of system, but was immediately scrambled by Mandelor. After an intense firefight, the ECM ship was destroyed.

"At this point, everyone is surprised that our own Blackbird isn't dead, one of their Ruptures is on half armor and the Omen they have is starting to lose shields. We're starting to think we can win this fight when we see the FC's Maller explode in the middle of a 'warp out, warp out!' command. So yeah, we scattered like roaches after that."

The slaughter didn't end there. After the fleet scattered, the Harbinger warped to a planet 150km out instead of a safespot, refusing to move from it, he was quickly discovered and scrambled by a Loki, who killed him quickly. A few frigates were destroyed by gate guns as they attempted to flee the system in panic.

"It was insane!" Mandelor declared. "Out of that whole fleet, the ECM ship and Ibis survived. I mean, so did I, but I was flying a Drake. These guys were the most likely to die but escaped with names on the killmail. That's pretty awesome for them. Still, Spiritless did an amazing job as FC. That leadership probably saved a lot more pilots"

While it is unknown if DJ Destiny plans to hold such an occasion every Thursday, some of the pilots from the Radio Fleet have already become acquainted with each other, and plan to go on another roam organized by themselves in EVE Radio refuses to sponsor another after the Amamake Raid.

"It was a ton of fun," Mobius, the Blackbird pilot, commented. "I'd love to do it again."

Leafy Kille Appointed as ConHo Daily's Publicist: Celebrates with Rock and Roll Pirate Massacre

Leafy Kille, ConHo Daily's newest staff member

Leafy Kille, well known salvager and mission runner throughout Consolidated Holdings, has been officially appointed as the official PR official of the unofficial New Eden newspaper ConHo Daily. True to his distinct style, Leafy immediately entered his Myrmidon and warped into a deadspace complex with enough members of the Angel Cartel to form a small country.

"Get outta of there! There's no way you'll survive!" one of his corpmates pleaded. The answer was as blunt as it was stylish.

"MY MYRM IS NAILS!" was the response, followed by a near supersonic blast of music that Amarrian historical experts have identified as "Poison", a musical piece created by an ancient entity known as "Alice Cooper" (the species of the entity remains unknown to this day).

For the next forty minutes, members of Consolidated Holdings and even ships who flew too close to the system were immediately bombarded with the transmissions of the music, occasionally hearing the screams of Angel Cartel members during lulls of the sound. ConHo members who had worked for the company longer were not surprised.

"He does this all the time," self-appointed augmented governor-militant Xeddiphan explained.

"One time he filled up a station container with over 17,000 meters of salvage in, like, three days. That's not even counting the other containers he had salvage in for fleet ops that week! He's got some sort of insatiable bloodlust for killing these guys."

"His last name does have the word kill in it," Lord Mandelor pointed out.

"I mean, the guy is ALWAYS grinding missions. Sometimes it takes him a few minutes to respond to any transmissions because he gets really focused when he grinds."

Members of the Angel Cartel were not available for comment

Regardless of his methods of destroying the pirates, Leafy is one of the largest, if not the largest, contributor of ship salvage in Consolidated Holdings, bringing in countless amounts of ammunition, modules, and weapon systems for the corporation every week. He has also been revealed to be an avid reader of ConHo Daily. So much so that he greatly wished to be a publicist, and even create a new pilot tool sponsored by the paper.

"It will really help with mission running," Leafy stated. "They'll grind like never before."

While the user tool itself is still under development and being kept a well-guarded secret, it IS known that there is a small development team already underway with working on it.
Only time will tell if it ever comes to surface for New Eden!

Leaked Inner Workings of Damage Control Module: Revealed to be Helper Midget in Briefcase

Damage Control Units are incredibly common of tank ships such as the Drake

The Damage Control Unit, one of the most widely used starship fittings throughout New Eden, has been revealed to be a midget in a briefcase.

"I was always curious about the things," Lord Mandelor stated, holding the writhing midget by his overalls in one hand. "I mean, you'd buy a DCU, and they'd just give you this briefcase with a First Aid cross on it and tell you to just leave it near the main power core. I'd always throw mine in really fast, and I just figured the loud noise that came from inside when it hit the floor was just part of the start-up cycle."

The discovery was made when the capsuleer was carrying a Tech 2 DCU aboard his battlecruiser, and then decided that he should actually open the briefcase. What he founds both startled and delighted him.

"His name is Figgleforth," Mandelor declared happily. "He even came with this little toolbelt and everything."

Apparently, the helper midget will leave his suitcase home in times of crisis to assist a starship in tanking. He does this by running laps around a ship's power core with a roll of duct tape, completely coating it until the module is commanded to be "off" or the ship explodes. In light of this, many pilots have found a new respect for their Damage Control Units, though others have simply jettisoned them out of fear of little people.

"They smell like cabbage," remarked an anonymous capsuleer.

After a severe communication error, pilots across New Eden have gone so far as to open up other components of their ships, including doomsday weapons, in a search for something else.

"F**king leprechauns!" were the words of an excited Gallente. "F**king space leprechauns could be in my ship with a pot of quantranium!"

This impromptu search for space leprechauns attracted the Serpentis Corporation, who immediately began destroying scores of their own ships in desperation of finding one of the mythical creatures. CONCORD Police, who were on the verge of making a public statement, changed their response to 'no comment' in light of the news of the Serpentis Pirates doings.

Linguistic Scientist Makes Enormous Breakthrough: Caldari Can be Rearranged to Spell "Radical"

Logo of the Caldari State, now scientifically proven as awesome

Ishukone linguistic analyst John Anagram made a fascinating discovery today, sparking mass celebrations of extra work throughout Caldari space.

"After all this time, none of us knew 'Caldari' could be rearranged to spell 'radical'. It just proves how superior we are to those pansy Gallente!" Anagram shouted, bursting with patriotism.

The Gallente, panicked about this dire turn of events, immediately assigned five hobgoblin drones to rearrange the letters of 'Gallente' to spell something praiseworthy, but the drones only succeeded in obliterating an office printer. In light of this, a distribution's expert named Agent Ell took up the case.

"I just know there's a gem buried in our alphabet," Ell said. "I just need to find it."

However, Agent Ell's results were less than gem-worthy. After coming up with phrases like "La Gentle" and "A Gel Lent", it quickly became apparent that Gallente could not be rearranged to spell something cool, but in fact, stupid meaningless things.

"What's a Gel Lent?" a burly Minmatar politician asked. "And can you eat 'em?"

Other races of New Eden failed to take part in the competition, but not for the reason of coming between the Gallente and Caldari rivalry. The Minmatar apparently had trouble spelling 'Minmatar', even to the point of adding a '7' in the middle of the name, and promptly gave up. It has also been reported that the Amarr were aware of the situation, but were too depressed to even try due to the shortness of their name.

"This is most certainly a crushing blow to the Federation," an Amarr scribe noted. "Even though we have no hidden message inside of our monicker, we are at least pleased that it does not contain something preposterous."

It is unknown whether the discovery will incite yet another war between the Caldari and Gallente, but it remains likely that the mockery of the Federation and respect for the State may continue for a long time to come.

CONCORD Police were unavailable for comment on the rising political tension, as PR officials are busy trying to fix their weakened public image, as Anagram also revealed that their department can be rearranged to spell 'Coco Pencil Rod'.

Interplanetary Colonization Declared a Major Success: Prop Comedian Deployed Instead of Food and Medicine

Xeddiphan and Lord Mandelor announced to Consolidated Holdings that production on planetary colonies had reached an all time high.

"We're very pleased with the results of the colonies planetside, and we're even achieving a surplus of resources," Mandelor proclaimed, visibly proud.

When asked as to how an all-time high in planetary production had been achieved, Xeddiphan was quick to respond.

"We had a lot of support from the corporation, and people were setting up colonies all over the place! Consolidated Holdings received a ton of donated materials from people like HARMON, and even Mandelor donated a bunch of command centers and a Primae to the cause. Everyone was pretty excited to start gaining commodity resources while lording over planets."

"Hell, one of them even launched a command center at my Rokh," Mandelor added, beaming.
"They were really enthusiastic about helping out."

Original ORE Industrial Advert for the Primae Colonization Ship

When Xeddiphan was confronted about the reported state of conditions of his colony on Amygnon I, he was quick to explain how the drones he had deployed planetside were being used to defend colonists from "perceived external threats". He was also questioned about the slave-like living conditions of the colonists.

"Slavery is such an unkind word," Xeddiphan frowned. "In the planetary colonization industry, we prefer to use the term 'freedom-challenged'."

Both Lord Mandelor and Xeddiphan have also been accused of depriving their planets of much needed supplies. Apparently food and medicines could not be delivered to the Forge World of Amygnon III, as the 1000 meter commodities hold of Mandelor's Primae were completely filled.

"I took the liberty of deploying a 600kg prop comedian instead," Mandelor stated firmly.

"I figured that they might be able to find some food and herbal medicines out in the jungle outside the electric fence of the colony, but that comedian . . . you're not gonna find one of THOSE on Amy 3. Oh god, the things he does with those puppets, I piss myself a little with laughter every time . . ."

Xeddiphan himself recently visited the Manufactorum Forge World of Amygnon III in order to inspect the quality of work, when he was attacked by local insects, dubbed "Tiger Mantises" by the locals.

"They're about ten to twelve meters tall," a colonist explained. "They can launch this firework out of their arse, and when it detonates in the clouds all the children look up in amazement. The Tiger Mantis then snatches 'em up when they're distracted. Children, that's their favorite prey that is!"

While it is unknown how Xeddiphan survived the Tiger Manti assault with no weapons, he returned from Amygnon III with a golden Odin-class synthetic eye in his left socket.

Xeddiphan, now AUGMENTED self-appointed Governor-Militant of the Amygnon system

"I never asked for this," were his first words as he stepped off his ship. Officials continued to question him about what happened planetside, but only got the repeated answer of 'my vision is augmented'.

The number of colonies registered under the Consolidated Holdings name have increased dramatically throughout New Eden in the past week, and Xeddiphan has personally acquired an entire regiment of militants and a fleet of drones to assist in "the general welfare of the corporation" in Amygnon.

CONCORD, whose local officials are currently deployed in the Amygnon asteroid belts cleaning up dead spider monkeys, were unavailable for comment.

Pilot Replaces Ship Computer with Etch-a-Sketch: Serpentis Develops Own Technology Out of Fear

Aura, the galactic standard for ship computers. Replaceable by toy?

In the past week, eccentric inventor Olli Racoon of Consolidated Holdings publicly declared to the corporation and the galactic scientific community at large that he would be replacing Aura with an ancient child's plaything called an "etch-a-sketch".

Aura, the on-board flight computer based off the likeness of famous Gallentean holostar Excena Foer, is universally used by pod pilots throughout New Eden, and you can be very, VERY certain that she will tell you when your autopilot is on, when you are jumping gates, or setting waypoints. Those capsuleers who use alternate clones through a mindlink are all too aware of what happens to their ears when they hear Aura in triplicate or worse.

"I can't take it," groaned a Charon pilot. "If I hear 'autopilot approaching stargate' one more time I'm going to kill everybody's cat."

Olli seemed to believe that Aura was beneath him in technological standards, and marvelously engineered a way to have his ship's computer replaced with an etch-a-sketch. An official post-report was made by the small corporation at Garoun Investment Bank that helped develop the new technology.

"When Olli Racoon came to the corporation's technology office, the first thing we saw was that he was singing some god-awful rendition of a song about walking astrometric kilometers or something strange like that. Then he slaps this design down on the table, and we noticed that it was paper. I mean come on, who the hell uses paper these days? What are we, Minmatar? Anyways, the second thing we see is that the design for this contraption was scribbled down in red crayon. We told him it would never work, but for a straight hour he just yelled at the starship engineer until he did it somehow."

Olli Racoon, pioneer of controversial 'Sketch Ships'

The Serpentis Pirates, famous for being easily confused and removing braking systems from their starships, were terrified by the prospect of "a computuh that don't do no numbers" and immediately attempted to replace their engines with live spider monkeys tied to the back of their ships, which proved to be a spectacular failure resulting in large belts of dead spider monkeys that would continually get caught in the exhaust vents of local mining barges for days to come. It has been reported that CONCORD Central Command was less than thrilled about deploying four Nocti crews to clear the mess from the system.

Apparently a representative from the Serpentis pirates began to open negotiations with the bank for a "revolutionary design, with twice as many spider monkeys AND an orangutan" when Racoon came back into the office at the same time. When Racoon whipped out a red crayon and began to draw the circuit diagram for a new doomsday device (named The Ollicannon) the Serpentis Corporation in Amygnon offered to disband, and quietly leave the system on the spot.